Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Yeah, so I like to whine...

...The doctor said my stomach measured so perfectly textbook he had to measure it twice. I doubt he could say the same if he had to measure my ass.

...OMG, I have gained 32 pounds so far in my pregnancy. I wonder if I'll get the courage to just take ownership of it, get really fat, and stop worrying about it. I'll be eating chips with sour cream while I decide.

...I am generally a good person. I try really hard to be giving, and caring, and supportive in all my relationships. However, currently I could not care less about anyone but myself, I am the complete center of my own little universe. This was slightly bothersome to me until I realized I am getting so big that soon I will have my own gravitational pull, and everything I come into contact with will start levitating and revolving in the air around my huge giant ass. So technically, I AM the center of my universe.

...People are starting to get genuinely shocked by my size when I tell them I have two & a half more months. They pretend they aren't, and stammer some weird responses, but the look of sheer horror on their faces when they ask my due date is priceless.

...We have an ultrasound pic of our baby's "unit" as my hubby calls it. In it, he appears to be exceptionally gifted in the, um, size department. This has become a running joke among my friends and family. The poor child has already been slated (at my shower no less) as a future porn star, and everyone wants to see the goods after he's born to see if it was a weird angle or what. Sheesh. The poor thing...or lucky thing, we'll see!

...I confess that I have found more food than I care to report in my bra. (Big rack + v-neck shirts = crumb basket.) I ALWAYS eat it. What else are you gonna do, wander around with it in your hand for 4 minutes looking for a trash can and forgetting what you were looking for and sitting back down and then remembering when you find a grape in your hand and getting back up to look some more? No thank-you.


Monica said...

Darlin', you simply crack me up! I'm still going to continue to live vicariously through you.

How's Luke's first weeks of school?

for a different kind of girl said...

OH, sweet jesus! Um, I have *SO* done the boob crumb buffet a time or five. Sigh...

Perhaps the baby's unit is the source of your wait gain, and thus, everyone will come out a winner in the end!

Miss Understood said...

LMAO at a boob buffet!

It looks like you may have a future HNT-er in the making!

Billy said...

Ya know, when I think of a boob buffet it's so completely different than that.

ditto what Monica said, you are so fucking cracking me up, me thinks the prego thing is good for your attitude.

now about that gravitational pull of that ass... have you seen my lawn mower?

lol, kisses to ya!

Billy said...

C'mon now, entertain us!

I need more boob food and big butt stories...